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A Community Experiential Commentary on Surviving Childhood Violence
Johnson-McGillis, Taz
Johnson-McGillis, Taz
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n1717014103.pdf
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Abstract
My experiences as a child left me unable to say, “no.” They affected my choices of boyfriends, lovers, husbands, and friends. At the age of fifteen, I married my first husband and we had three children. In this marriage, I experienced physical abuse and long-term trauma. We were divorced after seven years. My ex-husband moved in with my mother and I had no family support. I attempted suicide three times during the break up. I remarried at the age of 26 and divorced at the age of 39. In this marriage, I suffered mental and emo-tional abuse. This ex-husband continues to live with a mental illness called obsessive-compulsive disorder. At the time of our marriage, I wasn’t aware of his condition. During this marriage I didn’t shower alone for a period of six years (not my choice) and I finally had an emotional breakdown. I didn’t rec-ognize that I was crying constantly but thought I had developed a leak in my eyes. The extent of my denial was very deep. I had buried the intense feelings of hurt over the many assaults and abuses. Diagnosed with clinical depres-sion, I had no choice but to start therapy. It was very hard and emotional. At times I felt like running and hiding. Instead I kept going back for more understanding. After dealing with loss, I decided to embrace the teachings of my Kookum (who had shared a room with me for years) and started the process of reclaiming my Spirit. I attended talking circles, Pipe ceremonies, Sweatlodge ceremonies, and Sundance ceremonies. During a Healing Round at Sundance, I started to recall some of the sexual assaults. My people have been the ones who helped me to reclaim my Spirit and embrace who I am in totality.
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2006
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With permission of the license/copyright holder